Monday, November 8, 2010

Still Alive!

   Well I'm still alive! Long story short, Shit happened and I felt like my whole world was just turned upside down. I kind of just went numb, and gave up on a lot of things. I guess I was depressed I think I still am. Only recently have I been able to work through my situation. Now I just feel guilty for letting people down. I stopped writing which is just a disappointment to myself, really. I also disconnected myself from friends and family. I use to talk to my sister- in - law everyday, and then I just stopped. I didn't call at all. It had nothing to do with her, just that I felt completely empty. I was consumed by my own drama, fear and despair. I miss talking to her soooo much, and now I don't even know how to call her up and say I'm sorry, for being such a crappy friend.  I did the same to my best friend, and now I'm trying to make a point of keeping in touch even if it's only an email.
   Anyways, I miss my blog. I miss my friends. I'm gonna try and do better.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Good Times Good Times

This past week has been full of BBQ's at Mom's house and pool time, and picnic's. Oh it was also my little guy's first time in the pool. He loved it!

Trying on Uncle Adam's hat.
This is Mark's idea of posing for a picture!lol.

Hanging out with Daddy.

First time in the pool! He was so excited.

He's just so cute!
Angie's crab walk race, at her Kindergarten Picnic.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

STUFF Happens!

I don't know how it happened, but somehow over the past six and a half years, we have gone from hardly any possessions to an apartment overflowing with STUFF. When my hubby and I first got married we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment that I shared with roommates. We were REALLY broke! Everything I owned fit into one bedroom. A full sized bed, a hand me down dresser, a $20 computer desk, and clothes. That pretty much sums it up. It wasn't until after my baby shower that I realized things were about to get crowded. All of a sudden this kid who wasn't even born yet had more furniture and gadgets then both her parents combined. It's amazing how much stuff you can accumulate when you have kids. Then once those children can walk those things are always all over the place. Add in a few more kids and my home looks like it's been  struck by a hurricane daily. Hurricane Angie, Hurricane Mark, and Hurricane Alex! What I have realized lately is that it's partly my fault. My kids have more toy's and STUFF then they could possibly need or play with. We actually have huge Rubbermaid containers full of toys sitting in our closet. Oh and more in our little cubicle in the shared storage room of our apartment building. I know it's crazy right. Toys in storage it's ridiculous. then there's the baby clothes, maternity clothes, walkers, baby swings, and just all the other crap we have accumulated through the years. In the beginning we were too broke to buy all the things we wanted or just random stuff you pick up thinking you need. Well once things got a little better, we got loser and loser with the money. Now we have a million things that have no real purpose but to take up space in our home. It's really frustrating, especially when your the only one assigned to clean it all. So today I'm thinking about simplifying. I'm looking around and realizing how much of this stuff we could do without. I think I have a pretty good yard sale waiting to happen. I'm sick of STUFF! How about you?

Friday, May 28, 2010


This is my blog, my place to be me, to let it all out. It's as safe place where I don't have to be self conscious, embarrassed, or ashamed. It's like having a diary or a journal only better because sometimes your journal actually talks back to you and gives you words of encouragement, advise or just tells you your not alone in this. No my blog isn't private anyone can stumble upon it and read my inner most thoughts or what Cloth Diapers I love. By the way I'm loving Rumparooz right now, : ) Yet even though it's out there it still felt private, I felt anonymous. I have always been the kind of person who was afraid that if I let it all out, if I let myself be me without any filters that they wouldn't like me. That they would look at me different, they wouldn't be my friend or they would talk about me behind my back. Motherhood changed a lot of that for me. I gave up caring what other people thought, or I thought I did. I realize I still hang on to that fear. I'm still afraid, I'm still holding back. I realize this because when my hubby decided that it was a good idea to announce to his whole family that I had a blog, I was MORTIFIED! I couldn't believe that he did that after I made it very clear that I hadn't told anyone, and wasn't ready to share it with them yet. I refused to talk about it when my Brother in law asked about it. I just got this image in my head of everyone sitting around the computer reading my blog and laughing at me. Not really warranted but that's what flashed through my mind.  a few days later my Sister in Law was wondering why I hadn't told her about it since we pretty much speak every day. The truth is it's hard  for me to put myself out there with people I know. Sometimes there are those things that you just don't say out loud, or that your embarrassed by or that you think no one else will get, so you keep it to yourself. Before everyone knew about my blog I thought this would be a great way to find the motivation to get rid off all my baby weight. I couldn't wait to join in on McFatty Mondays, so I could be part of this great support system and be accountable, because you know Mondays gonna roll around, and you don't want to be caught with a twinkie in your mouth! Since my Hubby burst my blogs plastic bubble, I have not had the courage to go for it. All of a sudden the idea of posting my weight on here with pics just didn't sound like such fun anymore. Yeah I know I'm a chicken, but it's the truth. It really has nothing to with anyone else and everything to do with my own lack of confidence. So now i find myself trying to let go of that fear, and just be me, and not worry what anyone else thinks about it.
 So how about you ladies, do you prefer anonymity or are you an open book in life as well as your blog?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Playground Bully

We had a really beautiful day outside yesterday, Perfect for a trip to the park for the kids and some BBQ! My two oldest were the only 2 playing for a while, then I saw him. Lol. I know what to expect when I see this little guy coming. He's only 3 but he is a force to be reckoned with. Funny thing is his dad is nice as can be. We always have very nice conversations as we watch our kids play. The only problem is that, the kid is kind of a bully. Not like outrageously bad, but pretty darn naughty! He like to throw dirt on other kids, and a lot of times those are my kids! He also like to throw things at people. in the half an hour I was there, he threw a candy wrapper, a ROCK, and my own kids bubble maker at me. The bubble maker did hit me. He also kept picking up my daughters stuffed Webkins toy and throwing it in the dirt. Each time that his dad caught him he tried to tell him to stop or apologize but that was about it. The little boy never actually apologized just looked at me and ran away. I'm not mad or anything, he's just a child but it does irritate me when parents let there kids run wild, or bully other kids with no consequence. I'm not saying I'm perfect but I would never let my child dump dirt on someone else's child, and not do something about it. It kind of blows my mind actually. It kind of makes me want to grab my kids and run home when I see them walking towards the park. I'm sorry but I just don't like picking wood chips, dirt and pebbles out of my kids hair when I get home! Has anyone else had trouble with bully's? How do you handle it? Or gasp, is your child a bully? Hehe.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


I just thought this was hilarious, and thought I would share. Our mini van is now the swagger wagon!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A Bouncy Birthday

Well my daughter's 6th birthday went off without a hitch, whew! A great time was had by all. There were 18 kids in total, which doesn't include her 3 teenage aunts and uncle, who also took part in the bouncing festivities.
i have to say it was worth the hefty price tag to not have to organize every aspect of a party for so many guests. i was able to actually enjoy the party as well. I watched the kids run and bounce play and scream, and it wasn't in my house!lolol, YEAH! I loved seeing them thoroughly enjoy every minute they spent there.
I got to speak to the parents of Angie's classmates, they were all really nice and had the sweetest things to say about Angie, which every mom loves to hear.. hehe.
after they were done bouncing we all had pizza sang Happy Birthday and had some yummy cake. Nope I didn't make it myself, I had 11 people in my house that weekend and there was no way I was gonna bake my own cake. So we ordered this adorable Princess Castle cake for $45, great deal and it was yummy!It was even more special because we were able to share it with Our families. My in laws came down from N.Y to celebrate with us. So did my BFF Kimmy who is also Angie's Godmother. She was so happy to see them and share her day with them. It was so great to have both my husbands family and mine there. We got a great pic of Angelina with both of her Grandma'sA few more pics of the day.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A New Look, and a Happy Birthday!

I gave my blog a makeover, hehe. I like it. This could become very addicting . If I change designs as much as I change my hair color this could get messy. Maybe the hubby will buy me a custom design for my birthday next month. That would be so sweet, hint hint wink wink ; ) Speaking of birthday's today was my princess's 6th birthday. Happy Birthday Angie! Cant believe how fast she has grown. Unfortunately she wasn't feeling too good, but she still had fun running all over Chuck E Cheese. The real birthday bash is this Sunday, 20 kids, In-laws and friends coming down from N.Y and all my kids are sick. I pray I make it out alive! Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.

Friday, May 7, 2010

My Reflection

   Okay, maybe this will sound dumb, but does anyone remember the song Reflection from the Disney movie Mulan. Well this is a little bit of it:

Look at me

You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
Well this song pretty much sums up, how I have been feeling for a while now. Honestly probably since I had my daughter six years ago. Yes becoming a mom changed my life in the most fantastic ways imaginable, yes I love my kids to with all my heart. That said, I have let it change me in some not so great ways. I let myself fall into the I'm just a mom mentality. I let the pieces of me slip away.
   I thought that being a mom was all about sacrifice. That if I wanted to hang out with friends, or go out with my hubby for a few hours I was abandoning my child. My life belonged to my children and was not about me anymore. In a way it's true, being a mom is about being selfless and giving of yourself  completely. The thing I didn't realize is that there has to be something there to give. If you forget or forsake all the things that make up who you are,then there really isn't anything left to give. You just become a mommy drone, going through the motions. I love my family with all my heart but I think I need to work on loving myself a little more.
   I don't recognize the girl I see in the mirror anymore. I don't see myself. I don't like who I see, it's just not me. The real me is so much better then the one I show to the world. Not just physically, but in all ways.
  I think the rest of this year is going to be spent on some major self improvement. not just for myself but for my whole family. I deserve to live up to my full potential. My kids deserve to have a happy and whole Mommy at her best and my husband deserves to have the woman he fell in love with, he didn't marry mommy, he married Jessica. They should be the same person!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


This is the moment, I became a Mommy. This little girl redifined my life in an instant, just by taking her first breath.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Do-Over Days

   Yesterday I had a DO-OVER day. You know the kind where you wish you could call a time out,  press a magic button and do your life over again. I'm not a terribly depressed person, I love my family. I know my problems are small compared to what so many endure on a daily basis.
   That said, there are still those days where you just cant keep yourself from falling into that dark place. When the kids have been going at it all day, screaming running jumping on furniture, fighting and locking your 15 moth old in their room by himself cause he knocked down your block tower. so that you have to get out the tool box to take the door knob of the door to get him out,  GASP, kind of day. Oh and then the hubby comes home from work only to be as difficult and unreasonable as the kids.  OH it was just one of those days!
   So I thought I would take to my Facebook page and vent a little. I put up some funny marriage quotes and song lyrics to Soul asylum's Runaway Train, lol. I didn't really expect anyone to respond. But they did. Three of my old pals responded with comments or instant messages or a private message, all asking if I was ok. I was really surprised and it made me feel better to think that someone cared enough to ask.
   The only one who really got it, was an old friend from H.S, we actually worked together at a snack shop in the mall for several months, (BEST JOB EVER!).  Well she's married with a little girl of her own. Anyways she totally got how I was feeling. She got that sometimes it isn't always easy or fun being a wife and momma. It's hard and stressful and draining.
   Sometimes I wish I were like all my single friends living it up back in New York with their cute never had a baby bodies and nice clothes that don't have boogies and spit up and God knows what else on them. They have dinner at real restaurants and travel the world. Yes, I am just a tad jealous. I don't think about that stuff often but sometimes it does pop into my head.
    I don't think women really talk about the other side of being a mom or wife, the side that ain't so pretty. At least I haven't seen anybody doing it much. I think maybe because women can be so judgmental of each other. We don't want anyone to think were bad mother's or wives. I honestly enjoy reading so many different mom blogs out there. They inspire me everyday, they are almost always positive. But sometimes they kind of make me feel like I'm the only woman on the planet who isn't loving every moment of being a wife and mom.
   After reading my friends message I couldn't help but feel better. Knowing that I wasn't alone in what I was feeling meant the world to me. I realized I'm not alone, I'm not the only one who wishes for DO-OVERS sometimes. I'm a mom and I'm human and sometimes Mommy needs a timeout. Sometimes we just need someone to pat us one the shoulder and say, I get it. I know how you feel, your not the only one. It really does help.

Thanks, Mango

Friday, April 30, 2010

Ebay Diapers.. Kawaii Baby Diapers, Review

When I first decided to make the switch to cloth diapers, I turned to Ebay to find a good deal. I didn't want to invest a lot of money on something I wasn't sure I'd stick with. I knew I wanted to pocket diapers, but I was on a budget. I found that there were a few sellers, carrying these minky pocket diapers. Some of them were going under the brand name Kawaii Baby, and others had no brand tag at all. Upon comparing them I realized there exactly the same diaper! Although the ones that come with the Kawaii brand tag have more variations to them. This is where I got mine,
   These diapers are a one size pocket diaper. They have a 3 snap rise adjustment, for a small, medium and large size. This diaper fit's babies 8lbs to about 40lbs. They come in a variety of adorable prints in a waterproof minky fabric.

The inner lining is a suede cloth material, similar to that of the Bumgenius. The pocket opening is located in the rear of the diaper. It is  large enough to get your hand in to stuff  the the inserts in, and is elasticized to keep the inserts in place. This also helps prevent leaks, and provide a trim fit. My diapers each came with two large microfiber inserts. I can easily get by with using just one insert during the day at home, for naps or going out I would use both. I find that the diapers are surprisingly well made and durable. Even with daily use and some SERIOUS action due to some bad stomach bugs, these diapers have held up beautifully. I have had them for about 5 months now and they are still stain free and look brand new.  They wash up great every time.
  Another plus, for me are the snap closures. Recently I have found them on Ebay with Velcro closures as well. I prefer the snaps, since my little guy has likes to drive Mommy crazy by undoing his Velcro diapers and going commando!

 I really love these diapers I find them comparable to my Fuzzi Bunz diapers. they are well made, adorable, and incredibly affordable. I purchased two diapers for $15.55 with FREE shipping! That's about $7.80 a diaper. I think this is a great deal for a one size minky pocket diaper. They are a great way to to build your stash on a budget without having to sacrifice on cuteness. I would recommend these diapers to anyone looking to for a fun affordable easy to use cloth diaper.

   This review is also being shared on Head on over there for more great reviews and tips for moms.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Monday Giveaway

Just stumbled across Sheri's blog, She hosting a giveaway there for a new Apple iPod touch 8 GB (3rd Generation) NEWEST MODEL   and a $15 itunes gift card. Head over there to find out how you can enter to win. Good Luck!

Good Morning, Stinker!

I have been cloth diapering my 15 month old son for the past 41/2 months now, and I really love it. I love the money I'm saving not having to buy throw away diapers, and not filling landfills with diapers that take 5oo years or more to biodegrade. There is a downside though. A very, very STINKY downside.

Every morning when my hubby and I get up he looks at me and voices his disapproval. It's the smell."He smells like a little bum". My sweet baby, smells like a urine soaked homeless person, gross! It's really not what you want to smell first thing in the morning. I really don't know what to do. I have a good wash routine going, so I don't know what I'm missing. Is this a norm for cloth diapered kids. Shh... don't tell but I have even thought of using disposables at night. I know horrible right.

Am I the only one with this problem, or have any of you had to deal with a morning hobo baby? If you have, any advise? Please enlighten me, PLEASE.

Friday, April 23, 2010


Just had 3 teeth extracted today, Ouch! Back to bed I go. Goodnite my non-existent peeps.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Homemade Sofrito: Latin cooking base

I have been racking my brain, for the last week trying to come up with something to share for WFMW. It has been really stressful, lol. I'm new to blogging and I don't want to be the lame newbie. I decided that I would share a recipe that is a staple for my family and many other Latin families.

Sofrito is like the secret ingredient of latin food. We use it in Everything! From beans to beef stew, soup to a marinade, it's very versatile and add's amazing flavor to your dishes. It can be found in the international section of your supermarket, under the Goya brand or frozen in the freezer section . The version I prefer is called recaito. The one from the freezer is better then the jar stuff, but neither come close to homemade. Once you try the real stuff you will be hooked.


2 Green bell peppers or cubanelle peppers

1 large spanish onion

5 large cloves of garlic

1 bunch cilantro

1/2 bunch recao/culantro (hard to find, skip it)

1 cube chicken bouillon

1/4 to 1/2 cup olive oil (to get it moving)

Cut peppers in half, remove seeds and membrane. Peel and cut onions in quarters. Rinse cilantro and culantro and pat dry. I cut the bunch of cilantro in half and use it stems and all. Throw all ingredients in a blender or food processor and let it rip! You want a smooth consistency, it should like the picture above when your done. Store in the fridge, in an airtight food container. Or you can keep half in the fridge and half in the freezer. You can even pour it into ice cube trays and freeze, when you need some pop it out and throw into the pot.

This is how I get great flavor in my beans, soups, and stews. It's what works for me, and I hope it works for you too.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

400 Bucks, for a 2hr birthday party. Am I nuts?

My daughter's sixth birthday is next month and we are planning on having it at one of those bounce house's. If you don't know what they are check it out here,
She has been adamant on having her party there since the beginning of the school year, after being invited to one for a classmate.
Now normally we just do simple parties at home with family, but this is the first year she has had friends. We don't really know people with kids. So we thought it would be nice for her to have a big party with all her friends.
So I called in to get some info, and were kind of shocked to find out that a 2hr party for 25 kids with pizza and drinks is going to cost us over 375 bucks! This caused my husband a severe case of sticker shock.This doesn't include the cost of cake and goodie bags. So I'm rounding up and saying this is gonna cost us about 400 bucks or more, gasp.
On a positive note, this includes a party coordinator that sets up everything up for you, (decorations, ordering and serving food, ushering kids around, and my fave cleanup). I still cant help but feel kind of nuts for spending so much on a 2hr party. I do plan on making the cake myself, so that will save a little money.
This isn't something we plan on doing every year, so I hope she enjoys every minute of it. I hope to make future birthday's more personal, creative and Frugal!
I'm still looking into some ideas for the birthday cake, goodie bags and decorations. I hope to share them soon.
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