Friday, May 28, 2010


This is my blog, my place to be me, to let it all out. It's as safe place where I don't have to be self conscious, embarrassed, or ashamed. It's like having a diary or a journal only better because sometimes your journal actually talks back to you and gives you words of encouragement, advise or just tells you your not alone in this. No my blog isn't private anyone can stumble upon it and read my inner most thoughts or what Cloth Diapers I love. By the way I'm loving Rumparooz right now, : ) Yet even though it's out there it still felt private, I felt anonymous. I have always been the kind of person who was afraid that if I let it all out, if I let myself be me without any filters that they wouldn't like me. That they would look at me different, they wouldn't be my friend or they would talk about me behind my back. Motherhood changed a lot of that for me. I gave up caring what other people thought, or I thought I did. I realize I still hang on to that fear. I'm still afraid, I'm still holding back. I realize this because when my hubby decided that it was a good idea to announce to his whole family that I had a blog, I was MORTIFIED! I couldn't believe that he did that after I made it very clear that I hadn't told anyone, and wasn't ready to share it with them yet. I refused to talk about it when my Brother in law asked about it. I just got this image in my head of everyone sitting around the computer reading my blog and laughing at me. Not really warranted but that's what flashed through my mind.  a few days later my Sister in Law was wondering why I hadn't told her about it since we pretty much speak every day. The truth is it's hard  for me to put myself out there with people I know. Sometimes there are those things that you just don't say out loud, or that your embarrassed by or that you think no one else will get, so you keep it to yourself. Before everyone knew about my blog I thought this would be a great way to find the motivation to get rid off all my baby weight. I couldn't wait to join in on McFatty Mondays, so I could be part of this great support system and be accountable, because you know Mondays gonna roll around, and you don't want to be caught with a twinkie in your mouth! Since my Hubby burst my blogs plastic bubble, I have not had the courage to go for it. All of a sudden the idea of posting my weight on here with pics just didn't sound like such fun anymore. Yeah I know I'm a chicken, but it's the truth. It really has nothing to with anyone else and everything to do with my own lack of confidence. So now i find myself trying to let go of that fear, and just be me, and not worry what anyone else thinks about it.
 So how about you ladies, do you prefer anonymity or are you an open book in life as well as your blog?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Playground Bully

We had a really beautiful day outside yesterday, Perfect for a trip to the park for the kids and some BBQ! My two oldest were the only 2 playing for a while, then I saw him. Lol. I know what to expect when I see this little guy coming. He's only 3 but he is a force to be reckoned with. Funny thing is his dad is nice as can be. We always have very nice conversations as we watch our kids play. The only problem is that, the kid is kind of a bully. Not like outrageously bad, but pretty darn naughty! He like to throw dirt on other kids, and a lot of times those are my kids! He also like to throw things at people. in the half an hour I was there, he threw a candy wrapper, a ROCK, and my own kids bubble maker at me. The bubble maker did hit me. He also kept picking up my daughters stuffed Webkins toy and throwing it in the dirt. Each time that his dad caught him he tried to tell him to stop or apologize but that was about it. The little boy never actually apologized just looked at me and ran away. I'm not mad or anything, he's just a child but it does irritate me when parents let there kids run wild, or bully other kids with no consequence. I'm not saying I'm perfect but I would never let my child dump dirt on someone else's child, and not do something about it. It kind of blows my mind actually. It kind of makes me want to grab my kids and run home when I see them walking towards the park. I'm sorry but I just don't like picking wood chips, dirt and pebbles out of my kids hair when I get home! Has anyone else had trouble with bully's? How do you handle it? Or gasp, is your child a bully? Hehe.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


I just thought this was hilarious, and thought I would share. Our mini van is now the swagger wagon!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A Bouncy Birthday

Well my daughter's 6th birthday went off without a hitch, whew! A great time was had by all. There were 18 kids in total, which doesn't include her 3 teenage aunts and uncle, who also took part in the bouncing festivities.
i have to say it was worth the hefty price tag to not have to organize every aspect of a party for so many guests. i was able to actually enjoy the party as well. I watched the kids run and bounce play and scream, and it wasn't in my house!lolol, YEAH! I loved seeing them thoroughly enjoy every minute they spent there.
I got to speak to the parents of Angie's classmates, they were all really nice and had the sweetest things to say about Angie, which every mom loves to hear.. hehe.
after they were done bouncing we all had pizza sang Happy Birthday and had some yummy cake. Nope I didn't make it myself, I had 11 people in my house that weekend and there was no way I was gonna bake my own cake. So we ordered this adorable Princess Castle cake for $45, great deal and it was yummy!It was even more special because we were able to share it with Our families. My in laws came down from N.Y to celebrate with us. So did my BFF Kimmy who is also Angie's Godmother. She was so happy to see them and share her day with them. It was so great to have both my husbands family and mine there. We got a great pic of Angelina with both of her Grandma'sA few more pics of the day.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A New Look, and a Happy Birthday!

I gave my blog a makeover, hehe. I like it. This could become very addicting . If I change designs as much as I change my hair color this could get messy. Maybe the hubby will buy me a custom design for my birthday next month. That would be so sweet, hint hint wink wink ; ) Speaking of birthday's today was my princess's 6th birthday. Happy Birthday Angie! Cant believe how fast she has grown. Unfortunately she wasn't feeling too good, but she still had fun running all over Chuck E Cheese. The real birthday bash is this Sunday, 20 kids, In-laws and friends coming down from N.Y and all my kids are sick. I pray I make it out alive! Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.

Friday, May 7, 2010

My Reflection

   Okay, maybe this will sound dumb, but does anyone remember the song Reflection from the Disney movie Mulan. Well this is a little bit of it:

Look at me

You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
Well this song pretty much sums up, how I have been feeling for a while now. Honestly probably since I had my daughter six years ago. Yes becoming a mom changed my life in the most fantastic ways imaginable, yes I love my kids to with all my heart. That said, I have let it change me in some not so great ways. I let myself fall into the I'm just a mom mentality. I let the pieces of me slip away.
   I thought that being a mom was all about sacrifice. That if I wanted to hang out with friends, or go out with my hubby for a few hours I was abandoning my child. My life belonged to my children and was not about me anymore. In a way it's true, being a mom is about being selfless and giving of yourself  completely. The thing I didn't realize is that there has to be something there to give. If you forget or forsake all the things that make up who you are,then there really isn't anything left to give. You just become a mommy drone, going through the motions. I love my family with all my heart but I think I need to work on loving myself a little more.
   I don't recognize the girl I see in the mirror anymore. I don't see myself. I don't like who I see, it's just not me. The real me is so much better then the one I show to the world. Not just physically, but in all ways.
  I think the rest of this year is going to be spent on some major self improvement. not just for myself but for my whole family. I deserve to live up to my full potential. My kids deserve to have a happy and whole Mommy at her best and my husband deserves to have the woman he fell in love with, he didn't marry mommy, he married Jessica. They should be the same person!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


This is the moment, I became a Mommy. This little girl redifined my life in an instant, just by taking her first breath.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Do-Over Days

   Yesterday I had a DO-OVER day. You know the kind where you wish you could call a time out,  press a magic button and do your life over again. I'm not a terribly depressed person, I love my family. I know my problems are small compared to what so many endure on a daily basis.
   That said, there are still those days where you just cant keep yourself from falling into that dark place. When the kids have been going at it all day, screaming running jumping on furniture, fighting and locking your 15 moth old in their room by himself cause he knocked down your block tower. so that you have to get out the tool box to take the door knob of the door to get him out,  GASP, kind of day. Oh and then the hubby comes home from work only to be as difficult and unreasonable as the kids.  OH it was just one of those days!
   So I thought I would take to my Facebook page and vent a little. I put up some funny marriage quotes and song lyrics to Soul asylum's Runaway Train, lol. I didn't really expect anyone to respond. But they did. Three of my old pals responded with comments or instant messages or a private message, all asking if I was ok. I was really surprised and it made me feel better to think that someone cared enough to ask.
   The only one who really got it, was an old friend from H.S, we actually worked together at a snack shop in the mall for several months, (BEST JOB EVER!).  Well she's married with a little girl of her own. Anyways she totally got how I was feeling. She got that sometimes it isn't always easy or fun being a wife and momma. It's hard and stressful and draining.
   Sometimes I wish I were like all my single friends living it up back in New York with their cute never had a baby bodies and nice clothes that don't have boogies and spit up and God knows what else on them. They have dinner at real restaurants and travel the world. Yes, I am just a tad jealous. I don't think about that stuff often but sometimes it does pop into my head.
    I don't think women really talk about the other side of being a mom or wife, the side that ain't so pretty. At least I haven't seen anybody doing it much. I think maybe because women can be so judgmental of each other. We don't want anyone to think were bad mother's or wives. I honestly enjoy reading so many different mom blogs out there. They inspire me everyday, they are almost always positive. But sometimes they kind of make me feel like I'm the only woman on the planet who isn't loving every moment of being a wife and mom.
   After reading my friends message I couldn't help but feel better. Knowing that I wasn't alone in what I was feeling meant the world to me. I realized I'm not alone, I'm not the only one who wishes for DO-OVERS sometimes. I'm a mom and I'm human and sometimes Mommy needs a timeout. Sometimes we just need someone to pat us one the shoulder and say, I get it. I know how you feel, your not the only one. It really does help.

Thanks, Mango
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