Friday, May 7, 2010

My Reflection

   Okay, maybe this will sound dumb, but does anyone remember the song Reflection from the Disney movie Mulan. Well this is a little bit of it:

Look at me

You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
Well this song pretty much sums up, how I have been feeling for a while now. Honestly probably since I had my daughter six years ago. Yes becoming a mom changed my life in the most fantastic ways imaginable, yes I love my kids to with all my heart. That said, I have let it change me in some not so great ways. I let myself fall into the I'm just a mom mentality. I let the pieces of me slip away.
   I thought that being a mom was all about sacrifice. That if I wanted to hang out with friends, or go out with my hubby for a few hours I was abandoning my child. My life belonged to my children and was not about me anymore. In a way it's true, being a mom is about being selfless and giving of yourself  completely. The thing I didn't realize is that there has to be something there to give. If you forget or forsake all the things that make up who you are,then there really isn't anything left to give. You just become a mommy drone, going through the motions. I love my family with all my heart but I think I need to work on loving myself a little more.
   I don't recognize the girl I see in the mirror anymore. I don't see myself. I don't like who I see, it's just not me. The real me is so much better then the one I show to the world. Not just physically, but in all ways.
  I think the rest of this year is going to be spent on some major self improvement. not just for myself but for my whole family. I deserve to live up to my full potential. My kids deserve to have a happy and whole Mommy at her best and my husband deserves to have the woman he fell in love with, he didn't marry mommy, he married Jessica. They should be the same person!


  1. I would like for you to stop reading my mind. :) Thanks.

    I was just thinking about this! How I've become "Mommy" and that's it. I'm always mom. Always. I feel like I never take the time to be anything else anymore. Just a tired, bedraggled, worn out, slighly plump me.

    I need some unMommy time very badly.

  2. Oh, you are not the only one. We all fall into this trap sometimes. Im trying to figure out how to get out of it. I think I might try getting a job part time. Hopefully a day care so I can take my boys. Thats not really me time, but I would get paid, which would be nice.

  3. I agree. Being a mommy is a lot of hard work and it takes time to find balance. Something I am working on on a daily basis. You're not alone.


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